Signs You May Have CPTSD (Even If You Don’t Realise It)

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PTSD vs. CPTSD: Understanding the Differences

Trauma shapes us in ways we don’t always recognise. When we think of trauma, we often picture a single, life-changing event - something dramatic, something that clearly marks a "before" and "after." This is how Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is commonly understood. It’s the kind of trauma that results from experiences like a car accident, a violent attack, natural disaster, war, or any situation where a person’s life is in immediate danger. The symptoms of PTSD can be overwhelming - flashbacks, nightmares, panic attacks, hypervigilance, and an ongoing sense of being unsafe, even after the event is long over. But Trauma doesn’t always happen in a single moment. For some people, it’s not about one specific moment of terror - it’s about years of subtle, ongoing pain. It’s about growing up in a home where you never felt emotionally safe, where love came with conditions, where your needs were ignored, or where you had to be the responsible one long before you were ready.

This kind of long-term, repeated trauma is what leads to Complex PTSD (CPTSD).

The difference between PTSD and CPTSD isn’t just about duration - it’s about impact. When trauma happens once, it disrupts life, but there’s often a "before" to return to. With CPTSD, there is no clear "before" because the trauma is woven into a person’s formative years or core relationships. Instead of remembering a life before trauma, many people with CPTSD have never known what it feels like to be truly safe. One of the biggest challenges with CPTSD is that many people don’t even recognise it as trauma. If you survive an accident or an attack, there’s no questioning that something traumatic has happened. But if you spent years feeling unseen, unheard, or emotionally neglected, it may not feel like trauma in the same way - especially if no one ever validated your pain. It might just feel like "how life was." This is why so many people with CPTSD struggle with self-doubt, shame, and confusion about their own experiences.

Therefore, the symptoms of CPTSD often look different from those of PTSD. Whilst PTSD tends to cause distinct flashbacks, nightmares, and an exaggerated fear response, CPTSD can feel more like a deep, internalised struggle with self-worth, identity, and relationships. Many people with CPTSD experience chronic self-doubt, intense emotional reactions that feel disproportionate, or a persistent feeling of not knowing who they truly are. They may also struggle with people-pleasing, perfectionism, or a fear of abandonment, often without realising that these behaviours are rooted in childhood survival mechanisms. With PTSD, emotions might feel overwhelming only when experiencing specific triggers, but with CPTSD, emotional dysregulation is often a constant battle. A person might feel fine one moment, then suddenly overwhelmed by sadness, anger, or shame without a clear reason. This happens because CPTSD rewires the nervous system to be on high alert at all times, making it difficult to experience a consistent sense of inner peace.

Additionally, more often than not, relationships will also be deeply affected by CPTSD. Because the trauma is usually tied to early caregivers or family systems, many people with CPTSD find themselves struggling with attachment - either fearing abandonment and clinging to others or pushing people away to avoid getting hurt. Some cycle between both extremes, caught between wanting closeness and fearing it at the same time. These patterns don’t mean that someone is “too sensitive” or “bad at relationships” - they are simply the result of a nervous system that has learned, from an early age, that love is not always safe.

Understanding the difference between PTSD and CPTSD is important because it helps people make sense of their own experiences. For those with CPTSD, recognising that their struggles are not a personal failing but a response to past trauma can be incredibly validating. It shifts the narrative from “What’s wrong with me?” to “What happened to me, and how can I heal?” Healing from CPTSD takes time because it’s not just about processing a single event - it’s about unlearning patterns that were wired into the brain over years. But the good news is that healing is absolutely possible. With the right support, self-awareness, and a commitment to self-compassion, it’s possible to create a life where safety, trust, and a true sense of self can be rebuilt. It’s not about erasing the past - it’s about learning to move forward with a deeper understanding of who you are and what you need to thrive.

Causes of CPTSD: Childhood Trauma and Dysfunctional Family Systems

Trauma doesn’t always come from a single catastrophic event. For many, it is something that happens over years - subtle, persistent, and deeply ingrained in the environment they grew up in. Childhood is meant to be a time of safety, exploration, and emotional development, but for those who experience chronic stress, emotional neglect, or family dysfunction, childhood becomes about survival. When home is not a place of security but one of fear, unpredictability, or overwhelming responsibility, the nervous system learns to remain on constant high alert. This is the foundation of CPTSD.

CPTSD develops when a child repeatedly experiences situations that overwhelm their ability to cope and is rooted in prolonged relational trauma - the kind of trauma that happens within close relationships, often with parents or caregivers. Because children are dependent on their caregivers for emotional and physical safety, they have no way to escape, no way to protect themselves, and no ability to recognise that what is happening to them is not normal. Instead, they adapt. They learn to survive in whatever way keeps them safest, whether that means becoming hyper-independent, excessively obedient, invisible, or emotionally shut down. These adaptations help them get through childhood, but in adulthood, they often manifest as anxiety, people-pleasing, self-doubt, and an inability to feel truly safe or secure in relationships.

One of the most damaging aspects of childhood trauma is that it often goes unnoticed - especially when it isn’t physical or openly abusive. Many survivors of CPTSD look back on their childhood and feel confused. There may not have been one defining moment that felt “traumatic” in the way society typically defines trauma, yet something still feels deeply wrong. This is because trauma isn’t just about what happened - it’s also about what didn’t happen. If a child was never given emotional validation, if they were not protected, if their needs were ignored, if they never felt truly safe, that absence of care creates just as much damage as an overtly abusive situation.

There are many ways childhood trauma can shape the development of CPTSD.

• Parentification can play a major role. This happens when a child is forced to take on adult responsibilities long before they are ready - caring for siblings, managing household tasks, or even becoming an emotional caretaker for their parents. In these families, the child’s needs come second, or don’t matter at all. Instead of receiving care, they learn that they must be the caregiver. This often leads to a deep-rooted belief that their worth is tied to what they can do for others, rather than who they are. As adults, these individuals often become chronic over-givers, people-pleasers, and self-sacrificers, struggling to set boundaries because they were never taught that they were allowed to have them.

• Enmeshed family systems, where personal boundaries do not exist. In these families, individual identity is not encouraged - there is an expectation that everyone must think, feel, and behave in a way that aligns with the family’s unspoken rules. Independence is often seen as betrayal. A child raised in enmeshment may grow up feeling suffocated, unable to separate their own feelings from those of their parents or siblings. As adults, they may struggle with people-pleasing, identity confusion, and a constant fear of disappointing others.

• Emotionally immature or neglectful parents create an environment where emotional safety is non-existent. Emotionally immature parents are unable to regulate their own emotions, leaving their children responsible for soothing or managing their moods. These parents may react unpredictably - one moment they are loving, the next they are withdrawn or angry. This instability creates deep anxiety in children, who learn to constantly monitor the emotional temperature of those around them. This hypervigilance follows them into adulthood, making them feel on edge, overly responsible for others' emotions, and afraid of conflict.

• Some children grow up in homes where their emotional needs are simply ignored. Physical neglect - such as lack of food, shelter, or medical care - is more obvious, but emotional neglect is just as damaging. A child who grows up feeling unseen, unheard, or dismissed learns that their emotions are inconvenient or unimportant. They stop expressing their needs, stop asking for help, and often develop dissociation or emotional numbness as a way to cope. In adulthood, they may struggle with emotional connection, feeling "empty," or not knowing how to express their own desires and boundaries.

• In some cases, families may operate almost like closed systems, resembling small cults where strict rules must be followed, questioning authority is punished, and individuality is seen as a threat. These toxic family cult dynamics force children into compliance, teaching them that their safety depends on obeying without question. Many people raised in these environments develop intense guilt, self-doubt, and a deep fear of independence - because for so long, their survival depended on staying within the rules of the family system.

  
  

Each of these experiences shapes a child’s developing mind and body, teaching them how to survive in ways that often carry over into adulthood. What begins as a necessary adaptation in childhood becomes a limiting belief system in adulthood. The people-pleaser who learned to keep the peace grows up unable to advocate for themselves. The hyper-independent child who couldn’t rely on anyone grows up struggling to ask for help. The emotionally neglected child who learned to suppress their feelings grows up feeling emotionally disconnected from themselves and others.

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How These Experiences Shape Adult Life

Growing up in an unpredictable, neglectful, or emotionally unsafe environment doesn’t just affect childhood - it shapes how a person moves through the world as an adult. The brain and body adapt to survive, and those adaptations don’t just disappear when childhood ends. Instead, they often follow people into adulthood, influencing their relationships, self-perception, emotional responses, and even their ability to feel safe in their own skin. Many adults with CPTSD struggle to understand why certain situations, emotions, or relationships feel so difficult for them. They may know that their childhood was challenging, but they often don’t connect their present struggles to their past experiences. Instead, they blame themselves. They wonder why they can’t just “get over it,” why they feel stuck in the same patterns, why they seem to sabotage their own happiness, or why they feel disconnected from who they truly are. The reality is that these aren’t personal failures - these are survival responses that became deeply ingrained over years of adapting to an unsafe or invalidating environment. These responses may look like:

• Attachment issues. When a child grows up in an environment where love was inconsistent, conditional, or absent altogether, they develop anxious, avoidant, or disorganised attachment patterns. This will follow through into adulthood with some becoming anxiously attached, constantly seeking reassurance and fearing abandonment, even in stable relationships. They may overthink every interaction, panic at the slightest sign of emotional distance, or feel like they are “too much” for others. Others become avoidantly attached, shutting down emotionally, keeping people at arm’s length, and struggling to fully trust or rely on others. And for some, attachment styles swing between both extremes - craving closeness one moment and pushing it away the next, unsure of what feels safe.

• For many, people-pleasing becomes second nature. As children, they may have learned that their safety depended on making sure others were happy - whether that meant keeping the peace, anticipating the needs of a volatile parent, or suppressing their own emotions to avoid punishment. In adulthood, this can manifest as struggling to say no, fearing confrontation, or feeling an overwhelming need to be liked. Even when they want to set boundaries, there’s an underlying fear that doing so will lead to rejection, conflict, or abandonment.

• Severe anxiety and hypervigilance. When someone spends their formative years walking on eggshells, constantly monitoring their environment for potential threats, their nervous system remains in a state of high alert. Even in safe situations, their body reacts as if danger is just around the corner. This can look like chronic worry, difficulty relaxing, struggling with decision-making, or feeling an overwhelming sense of dread even when nothing is wrong. Their body is conditioned to prepare for the worst because, for a long time, that was the only way to survive.

• Losing a sense of self and identity confusion. When a child is raised in an environment where they were expected to meet the emotional needs of their caregivers, conform to rigid family expectations, or suppress their true feelings to be accepted, they may reach adulthood not knowing who they really are. Their entire identity may have been shaped around being “what others needed them to be.” As a result, they may struggle with decision-making, not knowing what they actually like or want, or feeling disconnected from their own needs and desires. Many adults with CPTSD describe feeling like they are living on autopilot, going through the motions of life without a strong sense of personal identity.

• Emotional dysregulation. Growing up in an emotionally unstable home means never truly learning how to process or manage emotions in a healthy way. For some, this means feeling completely overwhelmed by their emotions - crying uncontrollably, lashing out, or feeling like every emotional experience is unbearable. For others, it means numbing out, suppressing emotions so deeply that they struggle to feel anything at all. They might describe themselves as feeling “empty” or “detached” from their own experiences, unsure of how to reconnect with their emotions in a way that feels safe.

All of these experiences can lead to self-doubt, low self-worth, and feelings of unworthiness. When a child is repeatedly ignored, invalidated, or made to feel like they are never enough, they internalise the belief that something must be wrong with them. This belief carries into adulthood, making it hard to accept love, believe in their own abilities, or trust that they deserve happiness. Many develop perfectionist tendencies, believing that if they can just be “good enough,” they will finally be loved or accepted. Others struggle with self-sabotage, unconsciously pushing away opportunities or relationships because deep down, they don’t feel worthy of them.

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How to Recognise if You Have PTSD or CPTSD

Many people go through life carrying the weight of past trauma without realising it. They may struggle with relationships, experience intense emotions they can’t explain, or feel disconnected from themselves, unsure of why things feel so difficult. Trauma has a way of shaping our thoughts, behaviours, and nervous system, often in ways that we don’t immediately recognise, but there are often telltale signs:

• You might struggle with an ongoing sense of shame or self-doubt. You may feel like no matter what you do, you are never enough. This feeling often stems from childhood experiences where love, safety, or validation were conditional - where you had to earn affection or prove your worth. Even as an adult, you may find yourself over-explaining, apologising too much, or feeling like you have to justify your existence.

• You may experience emotional flashbacks. An emotional flashback is a sudden, overwhelming wave of emotion that feels disproportionate to the situation at hand. You might find yourself feeling intense fear, sadness, or shame without understanding why. This is because something in the present moment has triggered an emotional wound from the past, even if you don’t consciously remember what that wound is.

• Hypervigilance is another key sign. If you grew up in an environment where you had to be constantly aware of your surroundings - anticipating a parent’s mood, avoiding conflict, or managing the emotions of those around you - your nervous system may still be on high alert. Even in safe situations, you may find yourself scanning for danger, overthinking conversations, or feeling uneasy for no clear reason. This constant state of readiness can be exhausting and can make it difficult to truly relax or feel at peace.

• Many also struggle with relationship patterns that seem to repeat themselves. If love in your childhood was inconsistent, conditional, or tied to obligation, you may find yourself drawn to relationships that feel familiar, even if they are unhealthy. You might overextend yourself, trying to keep others happy at the expense of your own needs. Or you might push people away, fearing that letting someone in will only lead to disappointment or hurt. Sometimes, these cycles are so ingrained that they feel like fate - like relationships are just "always this way" - but in reality, they are patterns learned in childhood that can be unlearned with awareness and healing.

• Another sign of CPTSD is feeling disconnected from yourself. If you spent years prioritising the needs of others over your own, suppressing emotions to keep the peace, or adapting to survive, you may have lost touch with your own identity. You might struggle to make decisions, unsure of what you truly want. You may feel numb, like you are simply going through the motions of life without fully experiencing it. This loss of self is one of the most painful effects of CPTSD, but it is also something that can be reclaimed with time, patience, and self-exploration.

  
  

This is not an exhaustive list and there will still be many more undiscovered effects, that we are still exploring today. However, recognising these signs is an important step. Many people go years, even decades, believing that their struggles are just “how they are” without realising that they are carrying unresolved trauma. But once you start to see the patterns, things begin to make sense. You are not broken, and you are not weak. What you are experiencing is the result of a nervous system that adapted to survive. The good news is that awareness is the first step to healing. Once you recognise these patterns, you have the power to begin unlearning them, to reclaim the parts of yourself that were lost, and to create a life that feels safer, more fulfilling, and more authentic to who you truly are.

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What to Do Once You Recognise the Signs

Realising that you may have PTSD or CPTSD can bring up a lot of emotions. It might feel like a relief - finally understanding why you’ve felt the way you do for so long. Or it might feel overwhelming, as if you’re suddenly seeing your past in a whole new light. You may even wonder, What now? What do I do with this information? The good news is that recognising the signs is the first and most important step toward healing. Understanding that your struggles are not personal failings but survival responses, gives you the power to begin shifting the way you see yourself, your past, and your future. Healing is possible, and it doesn’t have to be done all at once.

The first step is self-compassion. When you start connecting the dots, you might feel anger toward yourself for not seeing it sooner, or even frustration that your past still affects you. But please remember you did what you had to do to survive. The coping mechanisms you developed - whether it’s people-pleasing, avoiding emotions, or shutting down - weren’t flaws; they were strategies that helped you get through incredibly difficult situations. Instead of blaming yourself for carrying these patterns into adulthood, try to acknowledge them with kindness. You were never broken; you were adapting to the world around you. And now that you see things more clearly, you have the chance to do things differently.

On top of this, seeking support can be absolutely life changing. Healing from trauma isn’t something you have to do alone, and in many cases, having guidance from a trauma-informed therapist can be incredibly beneficial. Therapies like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing), Internal Family Systems (IFS), and somatic therapy are designed specifically to help people process trauma and reconnect with their sense of self. If therapy feels too overwhelming or inaccessible right now, that’s okay. There are also books, online communities, and self-help resources that can help you begin this journey at your own pace. The most important thing is knowing that healing doesn’t have to be done in isolation - there are people and tools available to support you.

One of the biggest challenges in healing from CPTSD is reconnecting with yourself. Many people who grew up in traumatic or emotionally unsafe environments learned to suppress their own wants, needs, and feelings in order to survive. Over time, this can lead to a deep sense of disconnection from your own identity - not knowing what you truly enjoy, what you need in relationships, or even what emotions you are feeling. A gentle way to start rebuilding that connection is by getting curious about yourself again. Small things, like journaling about your thoughts and feelings, noticing what brings you comfort, or paying attention to what excites or drains you, can be powerful ways to rediscover who you are outside of survival mode.

Learning to set healthy boundaries is essential in your healing journey. If your past taught you that your needs didn’t matter, that you had to be the caretaker for others, or that saying no was dangerous, then boundaries might feel unnatural at first. But boundaries are not about pushing people away - they are about honouring yourself. Start small. Maybe it’s taking a few extra minutes to yourself in the morning, turning off your phone when you feel overstimulated, or expressing your opinion in a situation where you would normally stay silent. Every boundary you set is a step toward showing yourself that your needs, emotions, and well-being are just as important as everyone else’s.

If you’ve struggled with relationship patterns shaped by trauma, healing will also mean learning how to form safer, more fulfilling connections. It might take time to unlearn old dynamics - whether that means no longer chasing unavailable people, trusting that healthy love doesn’t require self-sacrifice, or recognising when someone’s treatment of you is unacceptable. A good place to start is by surrounding yourself with people who respect your emotions and your boundaries. Even if your circle is small, choosing quality over quantity in relationships can help rebuild your sense of safety and trust.

Healing from trauma isn’t about “getting over” the past or erasing painful experiences. It’s about integrating those experiences into your story in a way that no longer controls you. It’s about shifting from survival mode to a life that feels more intentional, more peaceful, and more yours. And the beautiful thing is, no matter how long you’ve been stuck in old patterns, it is never too late to start healing. Every small step counts. Every moment of self-awareness is progress. And no matter how overwhelming this process may feel, you are not alone in it.

Final Words: Healing Is Possible, and You Are Not Alone

Understanding PTSD and CPTSD can feel like opening a door to a part of yourself that you’ve spent years trying to ignore or make sense of. It can be overwhelming to recognise how deeply the past has shaped you, how much of your life has been spent surviving rather than truly living. But awareness is not a burden - it’s an opportunity. Because once you see the patterns, once you understand where they came from, you also begin to see that you are not trapped by them. Healing isn’t about undoing the past. It’s about reclaiming your future, one step at a time.

You are not broken. The things you struggle with - whether it’s anxiety, self-doubt, attachment issues, or feeling disconnected from yourself - are not signs that something is wrong with you. They are signs that you adapted in the only way you knew how. And now, you have the chance to learn a new way. Healing isn’t linear, and it doesn’t happen overnight, but every moment of self-compassion, every time you set a boundary, every time you choose to prioritise your own well-being is a step forward.

Most importantly, you don’t have to do this alone. There is support, whether through therapy, community, or even small daily acts of self-kindness. You are allowed to take your time. You are allowed to rest. And no matter how difficult this journey feels, you are already on the path to healing – because the fact that you are reading this, that you are recognising the signs, that you are even considering the possibility of healing - that is already a huge step forward. Keep going, at your own pace, in your own way. You deserve the peace, safety, and self-love that trauma once made impossible to believe in. And you are already on your way there.

The journey isn’t about erasing the past, but about learning how to reclaim the parts of yourself that were lost along the way. And that begins with understanding that what happened to you was not your fault, but healing is your possibility.