Most people do not even realise they are caught in the cycle of chasing external validation until they start feeling completely drained by it. It can feel like this constant loop of needing someone to tell you that you are doing well, that you are enough, that you are liked, wanted or approved of. And when you get that approval, it feels good for a while. But then, almost without warning, it fades away. The discomfort creeps back in and the search starts all over again.

If you are someone whose mind feels like it is always switched on, you will probably know exactly how exhausting that can be. It is like your brain has no off switch... Until, one day, you stop. Maybe you choose to rest, maybe you try meditation, or maybe you just hit a point of emotional burnout where your mind finally goes quiet. And instead of peace, instead of the relief you imagined stillness might bring, what shows up is this strange, uncomfortable emptiness.

When we get caught in those spirals of shoulda, woulda, coulda, one thing often gets overlooked. We assume that if we do not like the outcome of the choice we made, then the other option would have turned out better. It feels like the one we did not pick was the golden solution... But the truth is, we cannot actually know that. We are comparing something real, something we lived and experienced, with a version of events that only exists in imagination.

When you have spent much of your life feeling like the problem, it can become really hard to tell the difference between what you are actually responsible for and what you are not. Somewhere along the way, the lines get blurry. You might find yourself constantly scanning situations, relationships, or even conversations, wondering if you said the wrong thing, did enough, or should have done something differently. The weight of that is exhausting. It is heavy.

Imposter syndrome is not a mental health diagnosis. It is a psychological pattern where someone struggles to internalise their accomplishments. No matter how successful or capable they are, they live with an underlying fear that eventually someone will figure out they are not really as competent as they seem.

Internalised shame and guilt tend to take root early. As children, we’re learning who we are by absorbing the emotional world around us. We’re also trying to feel safe, accepted, and loved. When those needs aren’t consistently met, whether through neglect, harsh discipline, high expectations, or subtle forms of rejection, we begin to turn on ourselves. Instead of thinking, “Something bad happened to me,” we start to believe, “There must be something bad about me.”

Most of us grow up learning a lot about how to behave and how to please others, but not a lot about how to manage our own internal energy or emotional power. From an early age, we often receive messages that our emotions are too much, or not enough, or that our natural sense of power needs to be hidden, controlled or shaped to make others comfortable. As a result, many of us never learn what it feels like to actually sit in our own emotional authority. Instead, we learn to lo

When you’re dealing with a difficult person, it can feel like you’re constantly on the back foot... This is where the “pass the ball” technique can really come in handy. It’s not a clever trick or a psychological mind-game. It’s a simple but powerful way of holding your ground and staying emotionally centred. At its core, it’s about refusing to take on a burden that isn’t yours and instead gently handing it back. It’s a way to stop the cycle of over-explaining, apologising, f

There’s a kind of peace that comes from being true to yourself. Not the sort of polished, perfect version you show the world, but the authentic, messy, complicated version that lives beneath all the roles and masks. That’s really what congruence is. It’s when your inner world and outer world start to match up, and you feel a little more at home in your own skin.