Sex is one of the most personal and intimate aspects of being human. It is a fundamental part of how we connect with others and express ourselves, shaped by a blend of biology, culture, and personal experience. Yet, despite its deeply individual nature, society has a long history of tying our sexual choices, identities, and behaviours to our sense of worth. This connection, deeply ingrained in cultural, religious, and social narratives, often exerts a powerful influence on how we see ourselves and how others perceive us. For many, this can feel like an invisible weight—one that shapes relationships, self-esteem, and even moral identity in ways we may not always recognise.
The idea that sex defines worth is not new. Throughout history, sexuality has been both celebrated and condemned, depending on the time and culture. In early pagan traditions, for example, sex was seen as sacred, a life-affirming act that connected individuals to the divine and to nature. Fertility rituals, sexual expression, and the union of bodies were often imbued with spiritual significance, reflecting the idea that sex was a natural and integral part of life. But as societies evolved, so too did the narratives surrounding sexuality. With the rise of organised religions, particularly the influence of early patriarchal Christianity, sex became increasingly framed as a matter of morality and control. Virginity was exalted as a virtue, while sexual expression outside of specific contexts—like marriage—was viewed as sinful or shameful.
These shifts were not merely theological; they were deeply tied to societal structures. In patriarchal systems, controlling sexuality became a way to maintain power and enforce gender roles. Women’s value was often measured by their chastity and obedience, while men were judged by their dominance and sexual conquests. These dual standards created a framework in which sex was not merely an intimate choice but a reflection of one’s worth and place in society. These early constructs set the stage for how sex would be perceived and wielded in the centuries that followed.
Today, the narratives around sex and worth have taken on new dimensions, but the echoes of history remain. In modern society, the media and advertising industries perpetuate messages that equate sexual appeal with value. To be desirable is to be worthy, and to be sexually confident is to be powerful. At the same time, these messages are riddled with contradictions. While some forms of sexual expression are celebrated, others are shamed, depending on factors like gender, race, cultural background, and sexual orientation. For many, navigating these mixed signals is exhausting and disorienting, leaving them questioning their own worth and identity. This dynamic is especially harmful to those who deviate from societal norms. LGBTQIA+ individuals, for instance, have long been stigmatised or excluded for expressing their sexual identities. In many cultures, their worth has been questioned simply because their identities do not align with traditional definitions of gender or sexuality. Similarly, survivors of sexual trauma may internalise societal narratives that equate their experiences with a loss of value or dignity, compounding the pain of their trauma with feelings of shame or unworthiness. These narratives, while deeply personal, are shaped by broader cultural forces that dictate who is considered valuable, desirable, or acceptable.
The pressures of these societal expectations can affect anyone. From a young age, we are inundated with messages about what is “appropriate” or “worthy” when it comes to sex. Families, communities, religious institutions, and the media all play a role in shaping these beliefs. For some, this means growing up in environments where sex is treated as taboo, creating feelings of guilt or confusion around natural desires. For others, it means being bombarded with images and narratives that portray a narrow and often unattainable standard of sexual desirability. Over time, these messages take root, influencing not only how we view ourselves but also how we engage with the world around us.
At the heart of this issue lies the concept of control. By tying worth to sex, society wields a powerful tool for dictating behaviour and maintaining existing structures of power. This control is evident in laws and policies that regulate reproductive rights (especially in countries such as the US), in the stigmas attached to certain sexual behaviours or identities, and in the way sexual expression is policed based on gender or social status. For many, the personal becomes political, as their private lives are scrutinised and judged through the lens of societal expectations. One of the most insidious aspects of this dynamic is how deeply it embeds itself in our psyche. We internalise these messages, often without realising it, and they shape how we define our own worth and that of others. For some, this leads to feelings of inadequacy or shame, particularly if they do not conform to societal ideals (eventually developing if not careful into internalised misogyny or misandry). For others, it creates pressure to present a certain image or perform in ways that align with cultural expectations, even if those behaviours do not reflect their true selves (feeding into people pleasing characteristics and loss of identity). These internalised narratives can be incredibly difficult to unlearn, as they are reinforced by nearly every facet of society, from the media we consume to the relationships we form to even our own personal persecution.
By shining a light on the origins and effects of these narratives, we can begin to question them, dismantle them, and replace them with healthier, more compassionate perspectives. It is not about assigning blame or pointing fingers but about exploring why society has placed so much emphasis on sex as a measure of worth and how those beliefs affect us all. For us this means challenging the idea that our worth is tied to our sexual behaviour, appearance, or desirability and instead embracing a broader understanding of value that is rooted in authenticity, kindness, and humanity.
Sex should not be a source of shame or a marker of value but a deeply personal aspect of who we are—one that reflects our needs, desires, and relationships in ways that are unique to each individual. By breaking free from the societal constructs that tie sex to worth, we can foster a culture that celebrates diversity, respects individuality, and allows each of us to define our value on our own terms. As we move through this exploration, let us approach the topic with compassion for ourselves and others. These narratives have been with us for generations, shaping lives in ways that are often invisible but deeply felt. By understanding their roots and impact, we can begin to heal, both individually and collectively, and create a world where sex is not a measure of worth but a celebration of the rich, complex, and beautiful humanity we all share.
If any of this has resonated, you relate to anything in this article or you feel triggered, or if you want to discuss this any further, please do not hesitate to contact us and we will always be happy to take your call.
Kindest Always.
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