Being a Pre-Teen/Teen Is Way Harder Than People Think!
Growing up is no joke. Being a pre-teen or teenager? That’s a whole different level of tough. The weird part? A lot of adults don’t seem to get it. They either romanticise their teen years ("Oh, those were the best days of my life!") or brush off your struggles with "We all went through it, you’ll be fine." But just because they survived it doesn’t mean it was easy - or that what you're feeling now isn’t completely real.
Because let’s be honest - being a pre-teen or teen is hard. Really hard.
One minute, everything feels normal, and the next, everything is shifting. Your body, your emotions, your friendships, your interests - even the way you see yourself. Things that used to feel fun or exciting might suddenly seem boring or overwhelming. You might start questioning things you never thought twice about before - what you like, who you want to be, what kind of people you want around you. It’s confusing, it’s tiring, and yet, somehow, you’re just expected to keep up. And the people around you? They don’t always make it easier.
Adults love to say, "Enjoy being young whilst you can!" as if that’s easy to do when you’re drowning in schoolwork, social pressure, and the chaos of just trying to figure out who you are. Teachers load you up with responsibilities and expect you to manage your time like an adult - but still treat you like a child. Parents expect you to be emotionally mature, responsible, and respectful - but don’t always offer the same understanding in return.
It’s like everyone is constantly telling you to "grow up" whilst also reminding you that you’re just a kid when it’s convenient for them. That contradiction alone is enough to make anyone frustrated.
Then there’s puberty. Ugh. It’s not just about getting taller or dealing with acne. It’s like your body and brain are going through a total system reboot, and you’re just supposed to roll with it. Hormones start shifting, and suddenly, everything feels more intense. One second, you’re fine; the next, everything is way too much. You might cry over something small, get irritated for no reason, or overthink literally everything. It’s not you being dramatic - it’s literally your brain learning how to regulate emotions in real time. And considering your brain doesn’t even fully mature until you’re around 23, that’s going to take a while.
Here’s the thing - even though all of this is normal, that doesn’t make it easy. Just because it happens to everyone doesn’t mean your struggles don’t matter. They do. Growing up is messy, and there’s no manual for getting it right. So, if you feel overwhelmed, frustrated, or like no one gets it - you’re not alone.
Growing Up Feels Like a Lot - Because It Is
As if being a pre-teen or teenager wasn’t already hard enough, everything about you is changing all at once. It’s not just one thing - it’s literally everything. Your body, your emotions, your thoughts, your friendships, your sense of self - all shifting, all evolving, sometimes without any warning. One day, you feel like you’ve got things under control. The next? You have no idea what’s going on. It’s like standing on a shaky bridge whilst the world is moving beneath you, and no one even warned you about the earthquake.
Puberty doesn’t make it any easier. One minute, you feel fine in your body, and the next, nothing feels right. Growth spurts make you trip over your own feet; your skin decides to betray you right before an important event, and hormones wreak havoc on your mood, sleep, and energy levels. Maybe you suddenly need way more sleep than before. Maybe you can’t sleep at all. Maybe you used to feel good about how you looked, and now your reflection feels foreign. It’s like your body is on fast-forward whilst your mind is trying to catch up.
Then there’s the emotional rollercoaster. Everything feels... more. When you’re happy, it’s amazing. When you’re sad, it feels like the worst thing ever. Frustration boils over before you even understand why. One second, you want to be left alone, and the next, you feel so lonely it physically hurts. It’s like constantly being pulled between wanting to be seen and wanting to disappear, between needing support and needing independence. It’s exhausting.
Your brain is also going through its own glow-up - but unfortunately, that means a lot of confusion. The part of your brain that controls logic, impulse control, and long-term decision-making? Yeah, that’s still under construction. That’s why sometimes you might react before you think, and later wonder, “Why did I do that?” It’s not because you’re doing anything wrong - it’s literally because your brain is learning how to process things in a new way. And just when you start to get used to everything, the outside world starts throwing expectations at you. Adults tell you to start thinking about your future, but also "enjoy being young." You’re expected to be independent but still need permission for basically everything. You’re told to be mature, but when you voice your opinion, you’re treated like a kid. It’s impossible to win. No one tells you how much pressure you’ll feel just trying to exist.
All of this happening at the same time makes this stage of life one of the most overwhelming, frustrating, and confusing stages you’ll ever go through. But here’s the thing - just because it’s hard doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. Your emotions aren’t broken. Your confusion doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re growing. Even when it feels like total chaos, your body and mind are doing exactly what they’re supposed to do.
They Say, "Grow Up" But Won't Let You - The Double Standard of Being a Teen
One of the most frustrating things about being a teenager is feeling stuck between two worlds. One minute, you’re told to be mature, independent, and responsible - like an adult. The next, you’re being treated like a child, with rules, limits, and decisions made for you. It’s confusing. It’s frustrating. And honestly? It feels so unfair. Society sends mixed messages about what it expects from teenagers. You’re told to think about your future, choose a career path, and start preparing for adulthood. But then, when you actually try to take control of your own life, you get hit with "You're too young to understand." So, which is it? Are you supposed to be independent, or are you still a kid? No wonder so many teens feel stuck - you're expected to grow up, but not given the space to actually do it.
There’s also the emotional side of things. You’re expected to be calm, mature, and emotionally stable. If you get upset, people say you’re overreacting. If you’re stressed, they tell you you’re being dramatic. But when adults get overwhelmed, they’re allowed to vent, snap, cry, or take a break - and no one questions it. It’s a double standard that makes it feel like you’re constantly being judged.
Next, let’s talk about responsibility. You might be expected to help with siblings, keep up with school, get a part-time job, and somehow make ‘smart choices’ about your future. But when you ask for more freedom - like making your own choices or staying out later - you get told you’re ‘not ready.’ It’s like you’re given all the responsibilities of being an adult, but none of the freedom that should come with it. And the worst part? No matter what you do, it never feels like enough. If you try to be independent, people say you’re too young. If you make a mistake, they say you’re not mature enough. If you ask for help, suddenly you’re just a kid again. It’s no surprise that so many teens feel like they’re walking a tightrope, trying to balance expectations that don’t even make sense. But here’s the thing - this isn’t your fault. You’re not struggling because you’re failing. You’re struggling because the system makes growing up way harder than it needs to be. You’re expected to juggle massive life changes, deal with constant pressure, and somehow have everything figured out - even though no one actually tells you how.
So, if you feel overwhelmed, frustrated, or just tired of all the contradictions? That feeling is valid. You don’t have to have everything figured out. You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to fit into an idea of adulthood that isn’t even realistic. What really matters is that you trust yourself, be patient with your own growth, and remind yourself that you are doing your best.
Why Does It Feel Like No Matter What You Do, It’s Never Enough?
By the time you’ve started getting used to the chaos of being a teenager - figuring out who you are, dealing with your emotions, and navigating the whole "you're old enough for this, but too young for that" contradiction - you’re hit with another massive challenge: expectations. Everyone seems to have an opinion on how you should act, what you should be doing, and where you should be headed. And honestly? It’s exhausting. The pressure to be more, do more, and figure everything out never seems to stop. You’re expected to work hard, but when you do, the bar just keeps getting higher. If you succeed at something, people expect even more from you next time. And if you struggle? You’re told to just push through as if you’re not already trying your hardest. The message you keep getting is that who you are right now isn’t enough - you have to keep proving yourself.
That kind of pressure can mess with your head.
Some teens react by becoming perfectionists, pushing themselves to meet every expectation, even if it completely burns them out. Others shut down completely - because if the standards are impossible, why even bother trying? Some feel anxious all the time, terrified of disappointing people, whilst others feel frustrated and resentful, wondering why no matter how much effort they put in, it’s never enough.
But truthfully: no one - teen or adult - can handle all of this perfectly.
Life isn’t about checking off some perfect list of achievements - it’s about growing, making mistakes, and figuring things out at your own pace. There is no ‘right way’ to be a teenager. There is no magic formula for getting it all right. And honestly? No one really has it all figured out - not even the adults who act like they do.
So, if there’s one thing you take away from this, let it be this: You don’t have to have everything figured out right now. You are already enough, exactly as you are - even if you’re confused, even if you’re overwhelmed, even if you don’t have a plan for your future yet.
The Emotional Toll of Unrealistic Expectations
By the time you’ve got your head around the chaos of being a teenager, and the impossible contradiction of being treated like both a child and an adult, you’re left with something else entirely - exhaustion. The constant pressure to be more, do more, and figure everything out takes a toll. And even though the world expects you to rise to these expectations, it rarely stops to ask how you’re coping. This pressure can lead to something that many teens experience but rarely talk about - feeling like you’re never good enough. If you work hard, you’re expected to work harder. If you succeed, the ‘bar’ gets raised. If you struggle, you’re told to “just push through.” The message is clear: who you are right now is not enough - you have to keep proving yourself.
What an exhausting way to live!
Some teenagers react to this by becoming perfectionists, trying to meet every expectation placed on them, even if it means burning themselves out. Others shut down completely, feeling like if they can’t meet these impossible standards, why even try? Some feel anxious, constantly worried about disappointing people, whilst others feel resentful, frustrated that no matter what they do, it’s never enough.
The truth is no one should be expected to manage all of this perfectly. Not teens, not adults, no one. Growth isn’t about meeting an impossible checklist - it’s about learning, making mistakes, and figuring things out in your own time. There is no ‘right way’ to be a teenager. No one has it all together at this age (or any age, really). So, if you feel like you’re struggling under the weight of expectations, that doesn’t mean you’re failing - it just means you’re human like everyone else. And if it feels like too much sometimes, if you feel lost in the mix of all these changes, know that you’re not alone. This stage won’t last forever, but for now, it’s okay to feel overwhelmed. The most important thing is to be patient with yourself, to give yourself grace, and to know that no matter how confusing it all seems, you’re doing just fine, and you should be proud of yourself.
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