Feelings Are Not for Others - They Are for You
From young, we are taught, either directly or indirectly, that our emotions are something to be controlled - not necessarily for our own benefit, but for the comfort of those around us. We hear things like “Don’t cry,” “Calm down,” or “Stop being so sensitive,” as if feeling emotions too deeply is something to be ashamed of. In many cases, we start to believe that our emotions are a burden, something to be managed carefully so we don’t disrupt the people around us.
But what if, instead of being something we suppress to maintain peace, emotions are actually our own personal internal compass, guiding us toward what we need, what’s safe, and what isn’t?
Think of emotions as an internal navigation system, constantly adjusting and responding to the world around us. They are not random; they are deeply intelligent responses from our mind and body, designed to help us survive, grow, and make sense of our experiences. If we are in a safe, supportive environment, our emotions reflect that - we feel calm, secure, and open. If something feels off, our emotions warn us, urging us to pay attention. They aren’t the problem; they are the messenger. But many of us have been taught not to trust their messages. We’ve been told that feeling deeply is inconvenient, that expressing frustration is wrong, that sadness should be hidden. Over time, we learn to doubt ourselves, to override our emotional instincts in favour of what seems more socially acceptable. We convince ourselves that we are “overreacting” or that our emotions are “too much.”
Truthfully, when we stop feeling responsible for how our emotions affect others, we start to understand them better. Instead of asking, “Will this upset someone?” we begin asking, “What is this feeling trying to tell me?” When we stop apologising for our emotions, we start honouring them. And when we stop filtering our feelings through how we think others will perceive them, we finally get to experience them fully and truthfully, without guilt or shame.
You will then realise that you don’t have to justify how you feel to anyone. You don’t have to make your emotions smaller to make someone else more comfortable. Your feelings are not a performance for the world to approve or disapprove of - they are yours. They are a natural, human response to the life you are living, and they exist to serve you.
Emotions Are Our Personal Guidance System
To reiterate, for so long, we’ve been conditioned to prioritise how others react to our emotions over what our emotions are trying to tell us. If we express sadness and someone becomes uncomfortable, we learn to hold it in. If we get frustrated and someone reacts negatively, we tell ourselves we should “just let it go.” Over time, we start to believe that emotions are a problem rather than an important internal response to the world around us. But our emotions are not there to make other people feel comfortable. They exist for us - to tell us something, to help us navigate, to give us insight into how we are experiencing our environment.
Think about it like this: If you were driving and a warning light came on in your car, would you ignore it just because it might be inconvenient for someone else? Probably not. You would recognise it as a signal, a sign that something needs your attention. Emotions work the same way. They are not something to be dismissed or invalidated just because they may make other people uncomfortable. They are information, not an inconvenience.
Every feeling we have is a piece of information, a signal pointing us toward something important. Joy and excitement may tell us we are aligned with something good, something that brings meaning or happiness into our lives. Sadness may tell us we have lost something that mattered, that we need time to process, reflect, or heal. Anger may let us know that a boundary has been crossed, that something inside of us is saying, This isn’t okay. And fear is there to protect us, warning us of danger, whether real or perceived etc. When we listen to these signals rather than dismiss them, we begin to understand ourselves better. We start to notice patterns - what makes us feel safe, what drains us, what excites us, what unsettles us. We realise that emotions aren’t there to punish us or make life harder; they are there to give us clarity.
Yet, when we silence our emotions, we silence an essential part of ourselves. We lose that deep, inner connection to what feels right and what doesn’t. We end up stuck, unsure, constantly second-guessing what we truly want or need. The reality is our emotions are one of the most reliable ways we can connect with ourselves - but only if we listen.
Your Emotions as a Traffic Light System: A Guide to Safety, Fulfilment, and Growth
If emotions are internal signals meant to help us navigate the world, then we can start to see them as a kind of traffic light system - a way for our mind and body to communicate whether we are safe, whether we need to slow down and assess something, or whether we need to stop altogether. As mentioned earlier, emotions aren’t random; they’re deeply intelligent. They work together to help us understand our place in a situation, guiding us toward safety, fulfilment, and personal growth.
Imagine a set of traffic lights inside you, flashing different signals based on how you are experiencing the world around you. When everything is flowing, and you feel safe, grounded, and aligned, your internal light shines green. It tells you that you can move forward with confidence. Green light emotions feel expansive - happiness, excitement, contentment, peace. They indicate that things are in balance, that your needs are being met, and that you are in a space where you can thrive.
Then there are the yellow light emotions - the feelings that tell you to pause, slow down, and take stock of what’s happening. These emotions often appear as uncertainty, frustration, nervousness, or mild discomfort. They are signals that something is shifting, that you may need to pay attention before moving ahead. Maybe you’re feeling overwhelmed by work, and that tightness in your chest is warning you to take a break before you burn out. Maybe you’re feeling uneasy in a relationship, and that lingering doubt is nudging you to have a deeper conversation or reassess what you need. Yellow light emotions aren’t telling you to stop altogether; they are simply asking you to proceed with awareness.
Lastly, there are the red-light emotions - the ones that tell you, in no uncertain terms, that something is wrong. These emotions are loud, sometimes overwhelming, because they need to be. Fear, anger, deep sadness, anxiety - these feelings rise up when your boundaries have been crossed, when your sense of safety is at risk, when you are in a situation that doesn’t align with who you are. Red light emotions are your internal alarm system, warning you that something must change. They aren’t there to sabotage you; they are there to protect you.
The mistake many of us make is assuming that red or yellow light emotions are “bad” and that we should strive to only feel green. But that’s not how emotions work. All feelings have a purpose. They are not obstacles; they are data. If we start seeing them as part of this internal traffic system rather than something to be ashamed of, we can begin to work with them instead of against them. When you start to listen to your emotions through this framework, you can respond instead of reacting. Instead of ignoring discomfort, you can ask: "Why is this feeling here? What is it trying to tell me?" Instead of suppressing anger, you can explore: "What boundary has been crossed? How can I address this in a way that honours my needs?" Instead of fearing sadness, you can sit with it and ask: "What do I need right now to process and heal?"
Listening to All Your Emotions - Not Just the Comfortable Ones
So, if we now start considering emotions as a kind of internal traffic light system, guiding us toward safety, fulfilment, and growth, then ‘the key’ to navigating life, well… isn’t ignoring the signals - it’s learning to listen to all of them, not just the ones that feel good. Yet so many of us are taught to chase happiness and suppress anything that feels uncomfortable. We embrace joy, excitement, and contentment, but we try to push away sadness, frustration, or fear as if they don’t belong.
But in reality, every single emotion we experience has a purpose. When we try to suppress or dismiss the difficult emotions, we don’t actually get rid of them - they just sit beneath the surface, waiting for a moment when they can no longer be ignored. It’s like trying to hold a beach ball underwater. The harder you push it down, the more forcefully it will pop back up when you least expect it. There’s a reason emotions demand to be felt. They are trying to tell us something important about our experience, our needs, and our well-being. Sadness isn’t just an inconvenience - it’s a signal that we are grieving, processing, or needing support. Anger isn’t just a problem to fix - it’s often a sign that something isn’t right, that a boundary has been crossed, or that we need to advocate for ourselves. Even anxiety, as overwhelming as it can be, isn’t always the enemy - it’s often a protective mechanism, warning us of potential risks or uncertainty that we need to acknowledge.
We don’t have to like every emotion we feel, but we do need to respect them. When we learn to sit with our emotions rather than fight them, we start to develop a sense of trust within ourselves. We stop fearing our feelings and instead begin to work with them, rather than against them. This doesn’t mean letting emotions control us - it means allowing them to exist, to be processed, and to move through us rather than getting stuck.
Imagine if we could welcome all emotions with the same openness we give to happiness. Imagine if, instead of labelling emotions as “good” or “bad,” we saw them all as valuable information. When we listen to the full range of our emotions, we give ourselves the gift of self-awareness. We recognise patterns, we understand our triggers, and we gain clarity on what we truly need.
So, instead of pushing feelings aside or apologising for them, what if we trusted that our emotions, even the uncomfortable ones, are simply trying to lead us back to ourselves? Because they are not obstacles to overcome - they are our greatest teachers, pointing us toward what truly matters, and the sooner we can unlearn the idea that feelings should be managed for others rather than listened to for ourselves, the sooner we can reconnect with the messages our emotions are trying to send us. Because they are not here to please others - they are here to help us.
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